What’s an energy vampire?! They’re real living beings and they’re here to suck the positivity and good feels out of everything.
Identify the energy vampires in your life
Energy vampires are a strain of pessimistic people who specialise in bringing others down. You know the phrase, misery loves company? This is an energy vampire’s motto in life.
More than just your regular Negative Nancy, an energy vampire can’t *chooses not to* see the good in anything and they don’t really want you to either. Every positive suggestion from you gets a negative response from them. An energy vampire will often have one or more of the following main tendencies:
- Complaining – also comes with an extra-large serving of bitching, moaning, criticising, nit-picking. Oh – and don’t try to change their minds. They often lack empathy and are unable to see others’ point of view.
- Attention-seeking – It’s their world and you just live in it. And if you don’t give them the fuss they crave – get ready for temper-tantrums, manipulation and much more!
- Drama King/Queen – Drama, drama, drama. Everything in life is a huge catastrophe. And guess who’s the new therapist?
- Belittling – These vamps know just what to say to make you feel the size of a crumb. Normally they’ll throw in some passive-aggression as an extra treat. They know your insecurities, and they thrive on using them against you.
- Crying – Not always literally, but certain types of energy vampires come to you in despair on a regular basis, asking you for advice that they have no intention of taking. You comfort them over and over again, just to watch them do nothing to help themselves and keep coming back for more of your time.
I know I’ve made these people sound super evil, but sometimes that’s not the case at all. There are different types of vamps, ranging from the sociopath to the lovely, but super-needy friend.
So how do you actually know when you’ve been in the presence of one of these delightful human beings?
You can feel it.
While in their presence, but especially once they’re gone and you can process how you’re feeling properly. You might feel tired. Drained. Like they’ve zapped the energy right out of you.
You could feel upset, angry. Irritated. Frustrated. Bored.
In extreme cases, you might feel sick or nauseous. The point is, if you’re consistently feeling negative after being around a particular person – you might want to consider that they are an energy vampire.
If you’re spending a lot of time with someone who makes you feel emotions like these, you’re not going to be on the right level of vibration to attract good things into your life. So, it’s important to identify who these people are in your life so you can figure out how to deal with them.
I’m highly affected by energy vampires. That’s because I’m very empathetic and tend to absorb the energies of other people quite easily (Pisces moon). So if I spend a lot of time with a sad person, I empathize with that person to the point that I’ll end up feeling sad myself, even if I have nothing to be sad about!
If you’re anything like me, it’s really important to know what to do in the presence of an energy vampire.
They sound like pretty unbearable people, but if you really sat and thought about it I bet you could identify one that you’ve known at some point in your life – and chances are that person was a partner, friend or family member.
And that’s when things get tricky. How do you deal with an energy vampire when it’s a person that you love?
1. Adopt the nod-and-smile technique
Don’t engage. Never give an energy vampire what they want. It fuels them to continue. When the negativity starts, simply nod and smile. There’s no point in getting into a disagreement with this person – they’ll only end up enjoying it anyway.
Allowing them to watch you get annoyed with them is like handing your energy to them on a plate. They feed off that equally negative energy.
So as they talk, instead of responding verbally, talk over them in your mind. Block their negativity out. Just breathe. Let it go. Nod and smile. Remember the nod-and-smile.
It’s only fun for them to bitch and complain if you’re bitching and complaining along with them. If they see they’re getting nothing out of you, they’ll eventually learn there’s no point in trying.
2. Where possible – have a third party present
I like to limit the amount of 1-on-1 time I have with energy vampires. Having a third or fourth person around helps in two ways. Firstly, when the negativity starts spewing you have the option to totally ignore it by turning to another person and engaging with them instead.
When you want it to stop, you can just stop listening. If everyone else in the group adopts the same approach, problem solved!
Secondly, in a 1-on-1 exchange with a vamp, the after-effects are more intense because their whole attack is focused on you. Having a few other people around makes it harder for them to zero in on you and zap all of your energy.
3. Limit time
Try not to spend prolonged periods of time with someone who is an energy vampire. The more time you spend with them, the more time you spend feeling negative and not manifesting the life of your dreams.
Instead, devote that time to people who uplift you and make you feel good. Of course, this is harder if the energy vampire is someone that you live with. If that’s the case, put your foot down and set boundaries. Tell the person you love them, but you need your space and alone time.
4. Change the subject
Try to keep it light-hearted with energy vampires. Make jokes, have fun – steer the conversation away from any of their issues or anything serious if you don’t feel like getting into it.
This is important – if someone is draining you by constantly complaining to you about problems that they aren’t doing anything to solve – yet not making time to listen to you when you need them – it’s time to start putting yourself and your feelings first.
You shouldn’t be forced to speak about anything you don’t want to.
Take control of the conversations and make it clear that you’re just not trying to get involved with any negativity today.
Energy vampires feed off your responses and reactions – so if you don’t give them anything they’ll go hunting elsewhere.
5. Feel compassion
Try not to think about how frustrating or annoying it is that this person is so negative.
As irritating as it can be, thinking about them and how much they grate on you will only attract more negativity to the situation.
Instead, try to feel compassion for them. Wish them well. Hope that one day they can learn to look at life in a different way, and see the beauty in it.
Most of the time, these people don’t realise they’re being energy vampires. They don’t mean to be draining. Sometimes, it’s not a deliberate attack on you. It’s just how they are.
6. Put yourself first
That precious energy these people are stealing from you is so important. It’s also contagious. And if you’re on a path to creating a better life through positivity, you may have to seriously limit the amount of time you spend with this person.
If it gets really bad, you might even have to cut them off. It’s very easy to get caught up in someone else’s negative energy. And it’s so not worth it.
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” – Mahatma Gandhi
The takeaway points
To defeat an energy vampire, you need to starve them of their favourite meal – your negative energy and emotions. Don’t give it to them. If they can’t feed off you, they’ll be off to find their next victim.
If it’s someone that you live or work with – set boundaries and minimise the time that you give them.