Let me set the scene for you.
I’m currently typing this to you whilst sat on the sofa in the baggiest jumper I could find and the comfiest joggers I own.
My feet are aching, so they are soaking in a foot spa that is on the bubble setting. It is filled with warm water, my go-to Extra Virgin Raw Coconut Oil, and of course, my favourite Essential Oil Blends . I have an UberEats delivery on its way and a packet of popcorn next to me to keep me going while I wait.
As you can imagine – I’M BLISSFULLY HAPPY.
But that’s also because I’ve been practicing a lot of spiritual self-love lately, and I want to share my tips on how to do that so you can be blissfully happy too – with or without a foot spa.
What is spiritual self-love?
To me, it’s scheduling time in to do things FOR YOU.
It’s building a relationship with yourself – blocking out all the outside influences and just taking that time to celebrate you. It’s taking steps that are leading you to live your best life, eliminating fear and insecurity along the way. It’s making an effort to listen to yourself and honour the requests of your soul.
It’s building that love for yourself, so you can then attract the things you truly deserve to your life.
Honestly, incorporating the practices I’m about to share with you has been the best thing for my life. My anxiety used to be sky-high, I was SO insecure and had no self-belief just a couple of years ago. Now I wouldn’t even recognise the old me.
The more you strengthen the relationship with yourself, the better your life becomes.
I swear I used to hear stuff like that and roll my eyes until I actually saw the benefits first-hand. It really is the best – and most important – relationship you will ever have.
So, here are 10 ways to build and grow it.
1 – Speak kindly to and about yourself
I used to be the queen of ‘I’m not good enough’. So silly, looking back on it now – why do people even think that stuff? You’re here on this earth for a reason, your life serves a purpose even if you’re not sure what it is just yet. So you’re good enough for anything and everything.
We’ve got to watch the way we speak about ourselves to other people, and the thoughts we think about ourselves too.
Anything that follows after the word ‘I am’ is a powerful statement that has the power to become your reality if you repeat it often enough. If every setback in life causes you to say ‘I am not good enough,’ sure enough you will begin to attract people who don’t see your worth because you expect it.
The good news is you can turn that around with positive self-talk. Repeat quality affirmations and avoid affirmations that make you feel worse, like these.
Remind yourself on a daily basis of how great you are, the people who love you, the people whose lives you’ve touched – there will be plenty.
Don’t put yourself down. There are enough people in the world willing to do that. Don’t be one of them.
2- Make a monthly commitment to yourself
This is my new thing as it’s been working SO well for me. I came up with the idea to do it as a way to build my self-discipline.
It’s the same as setting goals or intentions – but seeing it as a commitment to yourself gives you that extra bit of motivation because you really don’t want to let yourself down.
Every other day at 5.50 when my alarm goes off for the gym and I don’t feel like going, I tell myself ‘you made a commitment to yourself’ and it gets me right out of bed.
Because it kind of makes me feel guilty – is that weird?
I just feel like you should give yourself the same respect you’d expect from other people in your life – if they cancelled on a plan you made last minute, simply because they felt too lazy to do it, it would annoy you.
Just 1 month of complete focus on a single self-improvement goal where you can’t cancel on yourself allows you to create better habits and experiment with things you’ve always wanted to do. If you enjoy the month, continue (while focusing on your next commitment). If you don’t, choose a new commitment for the next month.
Either way, sticking to something for a month straight is self-discipline. Self-discipline gives you a sense of achievement and self-respect. Self-respect goes hand-in-hand with self-love.
3- Daily quiet time
I cannot stress the importance of making sure you get some quiet time to yourself, as often as possible. To be honest, I make sure I have this time daily. I’m an only child with no children of my own just yet, so it’s pretty easy for me to get alone time – though I understand it isn’t for everyone.
But as often as you can, try to fit in at least 5-10 minutes to yourself, where you can just be still, in the present moment. Use the time to meditate and clear your mind, or pray.
Once I’ve done that, I normally take some time to read something motivational, encouraging and uplifting. You can never feed your mind with too much inspiration.
The Power of Your Subconscious Mind – Joseph Murphy
I spoke about how other people’s energy can affect our own here – and alone time can help us reset and rejuvenate.
Learning to be comfortable in your own company is another amazing side-effect of growing self-love.
Nothing fancy for me, just taking a pen and paper once a day or once a week and writing out the thoughts and feelings I’ve experienced during that time. For me, doing this has the same effect as meditation. After I’ve done it I feel inspired and my mind feels clear.
It’s also a great way of keeping track of your thoughts and feelings and seeing what’s manifesting in your life as a result of them.
5- Learning to put yourself first
This means learning to walk away from things that do not serve you, even though someone else may not be happy about it.
This means cutting ties with toxic people, even when it’s hard because you still love them.
This means putting your wellbeing and happiness at the top of your priority list. And not remaining in toxic relationships because you KNOW you deserve better. Spiritual self-love is about loving yourself so much that you will only allow others in your space that treat you with the respect you deserve.
Also, how about we stop saying yes to things we know we don’t want to do, because we’re scared of hurting someone else’s feelings?
We could save ourselves so much unnecessary suffering if we just stopped feeling guilty about putting our happiness first.
This doesn’t mean being selfish or self-absorbed, but I think we kind of feel like it does and that’s why we sometimes feel guilty for doing it.
The truth is – and I’m going to get super real here – you have to live with the decisions and choices you make for the rest of your life. Do you really want to be on your deathbed, looking back at a life full of memories spent with people who didn’t treat you well, doing things you didn’t really want to do because you kept saying yes when you should have said no?
Life on earth is short – way too short to not be putting your happiness first.
6- Following your dreams via your intuition
Learning to trust yourself and your inner guidance system. Honouring your dreams and plans. Don’t spend your life working a standard job, living a standard life like society says you should.
Get out there and chase your dreams! Listen to your soul – it’s speaking to you through your passions and interests.
What do you really want to do with your life?
Get clear on what you really, really want. And then go for it.
Listen to your intuition. When you’re on the right path, you just know. And the inspiration and happiness that you feel is amazing.
You deserve to feel that.
7 – Controlling your thoughts
Spiritual self-love is about doing everything you can to feel good because you love yourself and you know you deserve to be happy and live an amazing life.
But you can’t feel good if you’re thinking bad thoughts.
So doing what you can to keep your mindset positive is an act of spiritual self-love. Embracing the law of attraction and reminding yourself that thoughts become things is key to keeping your vibration high. This post shares the techniques I use to eliminate negative thought patterns – those techniques include changing the language I use and practising gratitude.
Read next: The Truth about Positivity
Consciously direct your thoughts and try to choose the positive, better-feeling ones every time. Make the law of attraction a lifestyle.
That’s one of the best things I ever did for myself. In fact, it totally changed my life.
8- Forgiving yourself
The thing about #7 is that it sounds so simple but it’s the hardest one on the list.
Oh, just the pressure that society puts on us to look perfect, have money, settle down with the love of our lives and have kids – also, we’re scrolling through Twitter and Instagram and seeing constant trolling, criticising, negativity, body-shaming, slut-shaming, EVERYTHING-shaming.
Not forgetting the fact that some of us are trying to meet and build long-lasting connections with people we’ve swiped for no other reason than physical attraction, battling to get to know people who can’t look up from their phones, living in a block-and-delete culture where apparently ghosting is how you deal with people – shall I go on?
Give yourself a pat on the back – because we have a lot of negativity thrown at us on a daily basis and we’re still staying focused on the positives.
Let’s face it though -from time to time, that can get tiring, and sometimes, you’ll feel like you can’t be bothered.
Sometimes it feels like really hard work to be happy and find the positive in a situation when something bad has clearly happened and you’re naturally focused on that.
Sometimes it feels like really hard work to be calm and happy when your mind and heart are racing a million miles a minute.
Sometimes it feels like really hard work to let go of things and people that have hurt you, to let go of anger and pain that you’ve felt, without retaliating, because it doesn’t feel fair.
So forgive yourself for feeling down sometimes – because life isn’t always easy, don’t let an Instagram feed fool you.
Everyone has their struggles and no-one can ever be happy 100% of the time. So don’t ever beat yourself up when life gets you down.
You owe it to yourself to feel everything you feel. You could even ask yourself: what are these feelings trying to tell me? What would it take to make me feel better?
Turn those negative feelings into positive outcomes by exploring them and understanding them, rather than ignoring them or beating yourself up for feeling them.
So those are my 8 tips for practising spiritual self-love. Did you love them? Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments!
You can also reach out to me on my Instagram @spiritually.empowered where I post inspirational tips to a bunch of empowered people like yourself. Finally, you can catch me via email – why not sign up to my mailing list below to receive post updates and three free worksheets I’ve designed to help you clear your mind and manifest?
On another note – just taken my feet out the foot spa and they are SOOOO SOFT. Coconut oil in your next foot spa. Do it. Thank me later!
Loveeeee always! xxx
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