I’ve spent most of this week stuck indoors with the most awful cold of life. I rarely get sick, so when I do, I am extra dramatic because I just feel like I’m dying. LOL. However, the upside is that all the downtime this week left me with a lot of time to think about the topic for this week’s post. Positivity!
It feels like a lot of people are going through stuff at the moment.
And everyone is ‘trying to be positive’.
But – I’m going to keep it 100% real because why would I do anything else?!?!
Being positive is only a perspective, a way of looking at a situation in your life. If you don’t have the feelings attached to that perspective – you know, the 100% certainty that things are going to work out in your favour – if you don’t truly believe in that perspective – then positivity means nothing.
There’s a thin line between positivity and denial and/or delusion. And when you constantly try to be positive about something, without truly believing in what you’re telling yourself, you’re crossing that line.
We’ve all been there – when you really want something to happen, so you do all the positive thinking.
You keep repeating over and over in your mind that you’re going to get the outcome you want. Setback after setback, you sigh, shrug and remind yourself to just keep thinking ‘positive thoughts’. You force yourself to think them because you want what you want so bad, and what happens?
You don’t get the result you wanted.
You conclude that all that positive thinking was a waste of time.
Why ‘forced positive thinking’ doesn’t work
Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be?
Don’t click the ‘X’!! I know – it’s such a cliché and an extremely overused one at that, but it’s so true.
Some things in life just aren’t meant to be, and no amount of positive thinking will change that.
‘It just wasn’t meant to be’ is something we have to hear a lot in life, yet it never gets any easier to hear it about the things you really wanted.
But the good news is, when we accept this fact and let go of trying to attract things that our souls aren’t aligned with – things that aren’t meant for us – we’ll attract the things that are meant for us and experience true happiness.
Happiness that will make us wonder why the hell we ever wanted those other things so badly.
The right way to use positivity
Now, you know I’m all about positive thinking.
Just a simple shift in perspective can transform any negative circumstance and make it better. I believe that thoughts become things and the level that we vibrate at, and the quality of thoughts we think, attracts experiences and people into our lives.
But also, I think there is a very thin line between being positive and being delusional. And I think this line is easily crossed when it comes to wanting things that are out of our control.
Here’s what I mean by that.
When it comes to things that are within our control, we can be as positive as we want and see good results without being obsessive or delusional. Your perspective is within your control. You can begin each day with a positive ritual and start as you mean to go on.
Yes! Your whole day can be transformed by your outlook. If you think positively, you attract positivity to your life – and that’s down to you. You can always choose to look on the bright side.
But what about when something you want is dependent on someone else’s actions? Let’s say you have a job interview – and it goes okay, but you stumble on a few questions and you’re not so confident they’re going to hire you. In the days that you’re waiting to hear back, you should absolutely still be positive.
But only because it feels better than being negative, and when you feel better, you attract better.
Not because you’re attaching that positivity to a certainty that you will get that job.
In other words, don’t force yourself to think positive about getting the job, even though you know you messed up in the interview, purely because you think that positive thinking alone will reverse all of that and make you get it.
Because that’s not how the universe/God/higher power/whatever you believe, works. If it’s not meant for you, you could think positive thoughts about it until you’re blue in the face and it still won’t be yours.
The universe hears everything we ask for, but will only deliver something that is a vibrational match to us. That’s why some of us have to wait longer to receive that perfect relationship or job we want. We have to grow, learn and change before we are truly ready to love and appreciate that thing, the way we are meant to.
So, a better way to approach something that is out of your control is to stay positive but detached from the outcome.
If you get it, amazing. If you don’t, it wasn’t for you.
When what you want relies on someone else’s free will, like the guy or girl you like asking you out, or the CEO of your dream company giving you a job, there’s only so much you can do.
When it comes to things that are out of your control, relax and leave it to the universe.
Don’t rely on ‘positive thinking’ solely to get the outcome you want, because you may end up feeling disappointed if you don’t. And that’s not the way you should feel.
3 steps to REAL positivity
I know so many people who are going through hard times and tell me, “I’ll just think positive” or “I’ve been trying to think positive but nothing’s working”. A lot of people don’t seem to realise that the law of attraction is about so much more than thinking positive.
Yes, thinking positive is a big part of it, but there are so many other things that go into making it work.
I know this might go against a lot of what you read about the law of attraction but it’s important to face the truth. Sometimes the things we want aren’t always best for us, and there is a higher power that protects us from those things if they won’t serve us – as in, teach us important lessons.
I’ve had many doors closed on me countless times, only to have better ones open later on down the line.
I also talk from experience because when I really want something I get tunnel vision – obsessive, even (it’s the Scorpio in me, and I own it!).
The thing I want gets 100% of my attention and I’ve definitely been very much on the line of positivity and delusion at points in my life.
But when I look back at the things that I wanted and didn’t get during those times, and the things I have now, I see exactly why they weren’t meant for me. It’s so clear that they weren’t meant to be.
I see this happen a lot in relationships. Either it’s scenario A: we meet someone, get all wrapped up in all those feelings, decide they’re the person for us, move at the speed of light thinking we’ll be together forever and then when it all ends we’re like WT actual F.
We become fixated on that person, and a life with that person so we don’t notice – or choose to ignore all those little red flags that show up to tell us that this might not be permanent.
Or it’s scenario B – one which I’m very familiar with. I meet someone, start to like them and then this distrust for men which I’ve had for as long as I remember kicks in.
It makes me unsure of myself, paranoid, and leaves me expecting the worst – when nothing bad has even happened! I pick up on, and over-analyse the tiniest things, literally waiting for something to go wrong.
And eventually, it always did. Sure, that could partly be because I attracted negativity to the situation by expecting it. But also, the guys clearly weren’t right for me or they would still be in my life now.
Can you relate to either of these scenarios?
I’m teaching myself to do 3 simple things I’ll list below, that could help with both scenarios. Because instead of being overly positive, or a total Negative Nancy, I’m simply letting go. Having faith. Knowing and trusting that everything is happening for a reason.
That’s real positivity.
So here they are:
- Learning to use my intuition and trust it.
I’m learning to let the universe guide me. When I can’t decide what to do about something, I stop. Literally, I stop thinking about it, and leave it to the universe to show me what I need to do.
I saw this somewhere on Instagram the other day: The answers to every single question we could ever want to ask about our lives are already inside us.
I truly believe that.
I might ask people for their opinions and advice, but deep down I feel a knowing inside of me – my intuition is so strong. And we all have this ability – we just need to tune in.
Taking some time to disconnect, no tv, no distractions – just some quiet time journaling or meditation can help you learn to trust your intuition.
Sometimes the answers come to you in the form of strong feelings, you might have realisations as you journal or you might get little signs from the universe – I spoke about my experience with constantly seeing repeating numbers here.
But you’ll know when you get your answer because everything will just be so clear to you. There will be no confusion. You’ll have a new-found confidence in your actions because you’ll know exactly what to do.
- Learning not to force any outcomes
Sometimes we don’t even realise we’re trying to force an outcome.
But if we’re obsessively trying to think positively about something so it goes our way, we’re trying to force it.
Once you’ve set the intention for what you want and put it out there to the universe, let it go. If it’s for you, the universe will see that you get it. And if it’s not for you, then the universe will see that you get what is for you. It’s as simple as that.
Sometimes, in life, we come across people and circumstances that are not meant to stay, but they are significant because they teach us lessons and move us forward. We can get attached to these people and things, and it can be painful when they leave.
It’s OK to miss them and want them back.
But telling yourself they will come back 1000 times actually isn’t being positive.
Trusting and believing that there was a reason for the connection you made, and being OK with the fact that they may come back one day, or they might not, is being positive.
Telling yourself they will be back over and over again could potentially leave you disappointed if they don’t.
Knowing that they will be back if that is the outcome that is meant for you both, and being equally comfortable if they don’t return because there is someone out there much better for you is not going to leave you disappointed.
Real positivity will never leave you disappointed.
That leads me to my final point.
What did you learn from that friendship or relationship that’s over now?
What did that experience teach you?
When you feel lost after a situation, or stuck in a circumstance, reflection is the best way to gain some clarity.
By figuring out what the lesson is, you’ll understand the direction you’re heading in next.
Focusing on what we learned from the experience, and where that new knowledge can take us is empowering. It adds value to all those failed relationships, arguments, friendships that ended, all those negative experiences that you think were a waste of time.
Look to areas of life where patterns are formed. Are you attracting the same kind of person over and over again? There may be a lesson you’re not acknowledging, that you need to learn before you’re ready for a new phase in your life.
It’s not just the experiences we have that help us grow as people. The process of learning to let go can teach us so much about ourselves too. And letting go is something we’ll all have to learn to do at some point – some of us more than others.
This is what you should know about positivity
Positive thinking won’t override the fact that some lessons are in our paths, and we are destined to learn them in order to evolve.
Being unshakeably positive is not going to get you something that isn’t meant for you.
Rather than feel disheartened if something we wanted didn’t work out, we should trust and have faith that something more aligned for our purpose is on the way.
Positivity isn’t real if you don’t believe the statements you’re making, or if you’re forcing yourself to think the thoughts you’re thinking.
Instead of worrying and obsessing, trust the universe. Trust that you’re where you’re meant to be and living what you’re meant to experience.
That’s the most positive outlook on life you could ever have.