It feels like a lot of people are going through it at the moment.
And everyone is ‘trying to be positive’.
We’ve all been there – when you really want something to happen, so you do all the positive thinking.
You keep repeating over and over in your mind that you’re going to get the outcome you want. Setback after setback, you sigh, shrug and remind yourself to just keep thinking ‘positive thoughts’. You force yourself to think them because you want what you want so bad, and what happens?
You don’t get the result you wanted.
You conclude that all that positive thinking was a waste of time.
Why ‘forced positive thinking’ doesn’t work
Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be?
Sad I know, but some things in life just aren’t.
‘It just wasn’t meant to be’ is something we hear a lot in life, yet it never gets any easier to hear it about the things you really wanted.
But the good news is, when we accept this fact and let go of trying to attract things that our souls aren’t aligned with – things that aren’t meant for us – we’ll attract the things that are meant for us and experience true happiness.
So don’t force it!
This is especially true when whether you get something you want depends on someone else’s actions. Like a job interview, for example. Let’s say it goes okay, but you stumble on a few questions and you’re not so confident they’re going to hire you. In the days that you’re waiting to hear back, you should absolutely still be positive.
But only because it feels better than being negative, and when you feel better, you attract better.
Not because you’re attaching that positivity to a certainty that you will get that job.
In other words, don’t force yourself to think positive about getting the job, even though you know you messed up in the interview, purely because you think that positive thinking alone will reverse all of that and make you get it.
Because that’s not how the universe works.
The universe hears everything we ask for, but will only deliver something that is a vibrational match to us. That’s why some of us have to wait longer to receive that perfect relationship or job we want. We have to grow, learn and change before we are truly ready to love and appreciate that thing, the way we are meant to.
So, a better way to approach something that is out of your control is to stay positive but detached from the outcome.
If you get it, amazing. If you don’t, it wasn’t for you.
When it comes to things that are out of your control, relax and leave it to the universe.
Don’t rely on ‘positive thinking’ solely to get the outcome you want, because you may end up feeling disappointed if you don’t. And worse – blaming yourself. Questioning yourself and if you were really positive enough.
Don’t even go there.
The right way to use positivity
Being positive is a perspective, a way of looking at a situation in your life.
If you don’t have the feelings attached to that perspective – you know, the 100% certainty that things are going to work out in your favour – if you don’t truly believe in that perspective – then positivity means nothing.
So believe! And if you don’t believe – own it.
Be 100% authentic and true to yourself by choosing thoughts that feel good to you. Anything forced will not.
3 steps to REAL positivity
I know so many people who are going through hard times and tell me, “I’ll just think positive” or “I’ve been trying to think positive but nothing’s working”. A lot of people don’t seem to realise that the law of attraction is about so much more than thinking positive.
Yes, thinking positive is a big part of it, but there are so many other things that go into making it work.
I know this might go against a lot of what you read about the law of attraction but it’s important to face the truth. Sometimes the things we want aren’t always best for us, and there is a higher power that protects us from those things if they won’t serve us.
I’ve had many doors closed on me, only to have better ones open up later.
I also talk from experience because when I really want something I get tunnel vision – obsessive, even (it’s the Scorpio in me, and I own it!).
The thing I want gets 100% of my attention and I’ve definitely been very much on the line of positivity and delusion at points in my life.
But when I look back at the things that I wanted and didn’t get during those times, and the things I have now, I see exactly why they weren’t meant for me.
Simply let go. Have faith. Know and trust that everything is happening for a reason.
That’s real positivity.
So here are the steps:
- Learn to use your intuition and trust it.
I’m learning to let the universe guide me. When I can’t decide what to do about something, I stop. Literally, I stop thinking about it, and leave it to the universe to show me what I need to do.
The answers to every single question we could ever want to ask about our lives are already inside us.
I might ask people for their opinions and advice, but deep down I feel a knowing inside of me – my intuition is so strong. And we all have this ability – we just need to tune in.
Taking some time to disconnect, no tv, no distractions – just some quiet time journaling or sitting in meditation can help you learn to recognise your intuition.
- Try not to force any outcomes
Sometimes we don’t even realise we’re trying to force an outcome.
But if we’re obsessively trying to think positively about something so it goes our way, we’re trying to force it.
Once you’ve set the intention for what you want and put it out there to the universe, let it go. If it’s for you, the universe will see that you get it. And if it’s not for you, then the universe will see that you get what is for you. It’s as simple as that.
Sometimes, in life, we come across people and circumstances that are not meant to stay, but they are significant because they teach us lessons and move us forward. We can get attached to these people and things, and it can be painful when they leave.
It’s OK to miss them and want them back.
But telling yourself they will come back 1000 times actually isn’t being positive.
Trusting and believing that there was a reason for the connection you made, and being OK with the fact that they may come back one day, or they might not, is being positive.
Telling yourself they will be back over and over again could potentially leave you disappointed if they don’t.
Knowing that they will be back if that is the outcome that is meant for you both, and being equally comfortable if they don’t return because there is someone out there much better for you is not going to leave you disappointed.
Real positivity will never leave you disappointed.
That leads me to my final point.
What did you learn from that friendship or relationship that’s over now?
What did that experience teach you?
When you feel lost after a situation, or stuck in a circumstance, reflection is the best way to gain some clarity.
By figuring out what the lesson is, you’ll understand the direction you’re heading in next.
Focusing on what we learned from the experience, and where that new knowledge can take us is empowering. It adds value to all those failed relationships, arguments, friendships that ended, all those negative experiences that you think were a waste of time.
Look to areas of life where patterns are formed. Are you attracting the same kind of person over and over again? There may be a lesson you’re not acknowledging, that you need to learn before you’re ready for a new phase in your life.
Reflecting on our past experiences can help us grow as people and show us how far we have come.
This is what you should know about positivity
Positive thinking won’t override the fact that some lessons are in our paths, and we are destined to learn them in order to evolve.
Being unshakeably positive is not going to get you something that isn’t meant for you.
Rather than feel disheartened if something we wanted didn’t work out, we should trust and have faith that something more aligned for our purpose is on the way.
Positivity isn’t real if you don’t believe the statements you’re making, or if you’re forcing yourself to think the thoughts you’re thinking.
Instead of worrying and obsessing, trust the universe. Trust that you’re where you’re meant to be and living what you’re meant to experience.
That’s the most positive outlook on life you could ever have.