It’s time for us to get a little closer.
I’ve shared many personal experiences on here, but something happened to me about 2 weeks ago and I’ve been umming and ahhing over whether I should share it.
I am quite a private person, especially when it comes to the subject matter we’re about to discuss.
But I simply cannot keep this experience to myself when it’s a perfect example of turning a negative situation into a positive. Especially when I get so many lovely messages from you guys telling me how much the blog has helped you.
It might be hard for me to put myself out there, but if it’s helping you guys, then it’s more than worth it.
So here we go. If anyone has been in a similar situation, I hope that my personal experience can help you to see it in a different light.
Sooooo – I got ghosted.
Believe that I didn’t actually realise that’s what had happened to me until I was speaking to a friend about my situation and she referred to it as ‘ghosting’ and told me to Google stories about it.
So I did – and there’s no denying it! Yup – I got ghosted.
I got ghosted by someone I’ve known for a very long time – about 10 years. He was in my life when I was younger, about 16, and then after a similar experience to what I’m about to describe, we lost contact. When he came back 10 years later, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt – we were kids back then. People grow and change, and I was curious to see how he had done so.
After such a long time, I was happy to find that we still had the same connection we always did. We’ve always gotten along really well – we could chat away about anything and everything and I truly did enjoy being in his company.
I started to care about him again. Crazy to think I’d totally forgotten about him at one point in my life.
Anyway, everything was fine, we were getting along great, there were no issues and to my understanding, we were on the same page.
Until 2 weeks ago, when out of the blue, he started ignoring my messages.
And then he stopped even opening them.
That’s when I realised that he had no interest in speaking to me anymore. Literally zero interest. He wasn’t even curious about what I had to say. He was just done – out of nowhere.
Here’s what I would have done if this had happened to me a year ago:
1 – I would have driven myself crazy trying to figure out why he wasn’t responding to me
2 – I’d still be messaging him to this day – and the messages would definitely have reached abusive/psycho territory by now! Ha.
3 – I would have started reciting my old life story – along with other goodies like “all men are trash”
4 – I would have lost all confidence and allowed my self-esteem to take a huge blow
5- I would have cried
6- I would have wallowed and let my routine slip
7 – I would have thought about it constantly
8 – I would have kept him on all my social media (for obvious reasons – right girls?! I’m Scorpio rising – we like a good social media stalk LOL)
Now I know some of those might sound extreme, but I’m a very sensitive person.
And I think that anyone, even someone less sensitive than me, would take being ghosted pretty hard. Especially when it comes from someone you care about, someone that knows you and has memories with you.
Still – here’s why I didn’t do any of that stuff.
The universe works in mysterious ways
In the initial few days, I did think about the situation a lot, and I discussed it with some of my closest friends. (Who really helped me through it with their kind words by the way – so I can’t fully take credit for my super positive mindset about experiencing the ultimate form of rejection – LOL)
But that thinking and discussing was necessary to allow me to reflect – that’s when I realised that I had actually asked the universe for clarity on this guy.
See I’d been feeling quite confused about what I should do – I cared, but it wasn’t going anywhere serious, so I was wondering if I should let it go, or just roll with it and enjoy the moments.
And I remember feeling frustrated that I never really got a clear answer on what I should do.
It was only in my reflection that I realised that him ghosting me was my answer.
Of course – at first, I was like, really?!
I think so many positive thoughts about this person, give him nothing but good energy just like I’m supposed to. And this is what I get?!
But then I thought about it properly.
Sure, it was harsh – but clearly, the universe knows me and knows that it needed to be harsh to get me to listen.
Letting go is something that I’ve really had to teach myself to do over the years – it doesn’t come naturally to me. So I know deep down that I never would have let go by myself.
I would have always held on just a little bit. That small, hopeful part of me would have continued to read way too much into the positive parts of the situation while ignoring the red flags.
And in the long run – it probably never would have worked out the way I wanted it to. In fact, I probably would have ended up getting more hurt if I had continued to remain in that situation any longer.
This was the universe letting me know that this person was not right for me. This was the universe stepping in to remove me from the situation in a way that was harsh, but not so harsh that I couldn’t handle it – because I was ready for a situation like this.
Last year, and any time before that, I wouldn’t have been, which is probably why I’ve never experienced it before.
Going through things less harsh than this have affected me in worse ways than the list above, in the past. But there has been so much personal growth recently that the universe removed him in a way that would now be the least painful for me at this point in my life.
I knew I did all I could do
And that’s all that really matters. All you can control in life are your own actions and once you know you’ve done all you can to mend a situation, you know that the situation wasn’t meant to mend in this moment if the other person hasn’t done their part too.
I reached out and asked him twice – very politely, to tell me what was on his mind and let me know why he wasn’t responding to me. He chose not to respond to either of those requests – and that was his choice, for his own reasons that are obviously not meant for me to know right now.
So I accepted that.
What good would it do going round in circles, trying to figure out why he acted that way?
The truth is, only he will truly know why he did this. And I have to be OK with that.
Why I’m thankful for being ghosted
This blog post is kind of like a therapy session for me – I have to say that getting it all out does feel really good! It’s kind of like filling in one of my Shift your Perspective worksheets – I’ve explained the situation and how it made me feel – and here’s where I turn it around and figure out what I’ve learned and what I’m grateful for. So here we go.
Firstly, I’m grateful that the door is once again open, for someone who is right for me to enter my life. And that’s no disrespect to him – despite all of this I would still say he’s a great person. But the right person for me will not disappear from my life with no explanation and would feel comfortable to communicate any issue he had with me.
Also, removing him from my social media was another step in opening this door – in this day and age it can be quite hard to do that as it feels like the final nail in the coffin, but I knew if I kept him there I’d have constant reminders of this situation every time he popped up.
I’d be thinking about him, and in doing that, I couldn’t be open to the right person or even be aware when they entered my life. Remember: where focus goes, energy flows.
I also learned an important lesson I want to share with you:
Trust your intuition
Gut feelings, inner knowing, whatever you want to call it. We all have it and we can all tune into it. And it’s important that we do, because this is one of the ways the universe communicates with us.
Unfortunately, I ignored mine from the start of this situation, and that’s probably how I ended up here.
If the universe spoke with words, I imagine my situation could be summed up by the following:
You wanna ignore me?! I’ll show you!
Just playing 🙂
More positives to take away from being ghosted
Google was a great help during the first few days of dealing with the fact that I’d been ghosted.
Sometimes all you need in a bad situation is to know that you’re not alone and other people know what you’re going through, and I came across SO MANY articles and people sharing their experiences about being ghosted.
It also helped me to see that things could have been way worse – I came across a woman online who had been ghosted by her husband after 15 years of marriage.
GHOSTED BY HER HUSBAND AFTER 15 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.
I literally cannot even comprehend how painful that must have been for her.
That doesn’t take away from the fact that my own situation was painful to me too – I know it doesn’t always help when you’re upset about something and someone says, ‘it could be worse’.
Despite the pain I felt, I don’t regret it. I always believe in giving people second chances. I’m proud that I was able to do that.
I’m proud of how I handled the situation, I’m proud of myself for not lashing out (although in the first few days it was very hard not to!) I’m proud I haven’t let it affect my confidence or my self-esteem.
Not everyone that comes into your life is meant to stay – if the universe removes someone from your life it’s for a reason and that reason doesn’t always have to be about you. Maybe the purpose of that person being in your life has been served – maybe you’ve served your purpose in that person’s life.
Pain or happiness – it’s up to you
We’re entitled to feel pain. We’re built to feel pain.
Because that pain teaches us our most valuable lessons.
We never forget the things we need to do to avoid feeling that sting again. But once you’ve allowed yourself to feel what you need to feel, letting go is the most empowering, healing thing you can do next.
Let go of pain and anger because once you’ve learned from it, you no longer need it.
Let go of pain and anger because it’s not contributing anything good to your life.
Let go of pain and anger, because it’s making you suffer, but the person it’s directed at is happily living their life without a care in the world.
Let go of pain and anger so you don’t attract more to be hurt and angry about.
Whenever something negative happens, I make even more time to focus on my spirituality.
I meditate more. I read. I pray. The best thing you can do when you’re going through a hard time, is maintain and strengthen your connection with the universe. It will guide you. It will tell you all the answers you need to know.
I also step up the self-care. I take loads of baths. I get lots of rest. I create a peaceful environment around me. I do everything I can to start feeling good from the inside, and eventually, that shows on the outside.
Happiness is a choice and I choose it every time.