Why did that have to happen?
Everything was going so good. You were thinking positive, feeling amazing, manifesting game on point, everything was going to plan! And then someone or something had to spoil it. Now you’re annoyed at what happened. Annoyed at yourself for being annoyed. Feeling yourself take those 10 steps back after you’ve come so far.
It happens to all of us, but before I go any further I just have to make this point: negative emotions and experiences are as important and even beneficial as the positive in life.
No matter how many things you read that tell you that you must be 100% positive, 100% of the time to manifest your desires – remember this: we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t experience negative emotions from time to time. So write that off as BS, because that would make manifesting physically impossible unless we were robots!
Know that you never have to discredit how you feel or ignore certain emotions.
When I first discovered the Law of Attraction, there were times when a negative experience would set me back so much more than it needed to, because I’d think I had ruined everything by feeling those negative feels. That thought would attract even more negativity.
If a pattern of thought like this continues, you end up trying to fight it by trying to be positive all the time, even when deep down, you know you’re pissed off. And then you lose faith because you start to think – how can something that’s supposed to be so good for us, be so draining?
Because it is draining trying to be positive all the time – when you’re forcing it. I’ve learned that there’s a specific way to turning a negative situation around, no force or fakery necessary. You CAN actually be positive in a negative situation and there’s one easy key to achieving this.
Stop and be in the moment
When we’re angry, scared or frustrated our breathing quickens and our minds race. There’s so much going on we can’t focus – sometimes this will manifest physically as shaking or tearing up.
It’s important to stop and take a few slow, deep breaths here – this will bring you back to the present moment and calm you down a little. Really, it will!
Our natural reaction to anger, for example, is to take quick, shallow breaths, so by consciously doing the opposite, we’re sending a powerful message to the brain.
We’re taking control of our emotion and telling the brain to chill. And almost instantly, our body language relaxes and the shaking stops – perfect for defusing an argument.
Taking that moment to just acknowledge your physical reaction to whatever has happened makes all the difference.
OK, so I’m not going to pretend this is easy. Emotions like anger can erupt in a flash – we’ve already thrown the phone at the wall or told someone we hate them before we’ve even had time to stop and think about anything, let alone how we’re breathing!
We’re used to feeling something and acting on it straight away – and this is a hard habit to break. I personally still have a long way to go with this, but I’m learning and improving. You know what’s helped me? Meditation.
Regular meditation teaches you to clear your mind and be present in the moment. I found it hard to meditate at first – my mind is always going and I find it so incredibly difficult to switch off – but I found some good apps (post coming soon!) that offer guided meditation and teach you the basic principles. I also started off doing it for really short periods of time – 3 minutes, then gradually worked up to 10, 20 and so on.
Acknowledge the negative feeling
What exactly is it that you’re feeling? Hurt, sad, angry? A mix of all three?
When we don’t know exactly what we’re feeling, we’re confused. That confusion can make a situation even worse. In fact, being confused is a pretty negative feeling itself!
I mean, think about it. How good does it feel when you know exactly what you want, how you feel, what you’re doing? That clarity brings self-assurance and the king of good feels: confidence. Which means that confusion brings the opposite: self-doubt, worry and even panic.
(So, back to my point as I got excited and went a teeny bit off track there!) You can’t process and deal with an emotion if you don’t know exactly what it is. You need to gain that clarity on what you’re feeling so you can handle it effectively. Identify the exact negative emotion you’re feeling and acknowledge it: you have every right to feel it.
Once you know what it is, you can figure out why you’re feeling that way and be a step closer to resolving the issue.
Again, being able to identify your emotions comes back to being present in the moment. Taking the time to stop and ask yourself, ‘what exactly am I feeling right now?’ is crucial.
When it’s a mix of feelings, it’s not so easy to pinpoint. However, journaling has helped me with this a lot. When someone or something upsets me, I’ll grab one of my Shift your Perspective worksheets and a pen and just write. Write about what happened. Write about my reaction and how I felt. Seeing the situation on paper brings clarity and helps you to really uncover the emotions you’re talking about because you have to describe them.
Journaling is also a good way to help yourself accept the things that you feel, because seeing it there on paper, in front of your eyes, means you can’t run away from it.
Sometimes, we beat ourselves up and feel silly for feeling a certain way – I used to be the queen of this. But now? I say there’s only one of us each in this world and we all experience life in our own unique way – so the only person who gets to decide how we should and shouldn’t feel about things is us.
I mean, really – something that affects you may not be a big deal to someone else, and that comes down to the fact that their values, life experiences, and personality are different to yours. So why should you feel silly?
Unless someone has walked in your shoes and lived your life – they can’t make you feel bad about what affects you and you shouldn’t have to justify anything that does.
Accept the negative feeling
Yeah, you read that right!
Not trying to fight it is the key to turning it around. If something has happened and you’ve naturally reacted to it in a negative way…well…that’s life. *shrugs*
One of the most comforting things to know about the Universe is that it’s constantly responding to what’s happening right now. Not what happened five minutes ago, or yesterday evening when I got annoyed that I spilt red wine on my favourite white, fluffy cushion. (Was I more upset about the loss of precious red wine or the cushion? Hmm. 😉 )
So if you had some bad feels, let them go. You can turn it ALL AROUND right now. How? You can make a conscious decision to look at the positive. The bright side! There’s always a bright side.
You can literally switch your whole mindset and transform your situation by choosing to look at the positive. It might take you a minute to figure out what that is, but here’s a way that works every time.
The key to transforming all negative circumstances
Gratitude is so transformational and life-changing that I have no idea how I lived so many years not using it.
Even if you’re arguing with a friend or a relative, you can think about the amazing experiences and good times you’ve had with that person and feel grateful for them.
Even if your asshole boss decides to fire you, you can appreciate what you learned while working for them, or be grateful for the self-constraint you taught yourself while dealing with them over the years.
Even if your boyfriend or girlfriend dumps you out of the blue, you can be grateful for the lessons you learned during the relationship or the love you got to experience at the start.
Even if you feel like the situation is the worst thing that could have ever happened to you, you can find something to be grateful for. Even if it’s something that seems small in comparison, like the strength you’ve used to deal with it or the fact that you’re still going. If you really sit and think about your situation, you’ll find something.
So next time something shitty happens, you got this! You’re going to stop, take a moment to just breathe and clear your mind. You’ll identify exactly what you’re feeling so you know how to deal with it. You WON’T beat yourself up about being upset or annoyed, because you now know that every emotion you feel is important, regardless of if it’s negative or positive.
And deep down you’ll know that you will be OK, because you have the secret ingredient to turning every negative situation into a positive – gratitude!
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